I must say, in the last few years I have accomplished a lot. Becoming a father, An Entrepreneur, major changes to my health. I have gone from 420 pounds size 66 Suit… down to a 240 pounds size 44 pants. I know I have a lot to be proud of and trust me it’s hard to be so. I have my own daemons and battles I content with daily, some know, some suspect but reality is I struggle daily just to get out of bed, while the physical issues don’t hinder me as much but the metal does, and very few people are willing to talk about it.
Let’s face it I suffer from ADHD which is why I drive you nuts in the car changing the radio station every two seconds, which is why I will say yes to you now and 15 mins later still not do it because I got side tracked and forgot, Which is why I will pick up every little flaw in a movie, I am not just watching the TV… my brain is scanning each pixel, doing a million things all at once while just staring at the TV. It is why people see me up till 3-4am working and then up again at 6-7 am getting the kids sorted. Not that I don’t want to sleep but my brain does not have the off switch, Yes I have a bucket full of pills… Some to get me awake and moving, some to keep me on track and some to shut me down at night. Yes, I am stubborn and hate taking them. People will often remark about my messages when I text or email in a rush as they come across as gibberish and 9 out of 10 times my brain is already telling my hands to type a world 6 words in the future before my hands can even catch up and things get jumbled, I laugh and tell people the way you read that, is the way my brain was working. lol Yes it can get interesting in the upstairs lounge of Casa De Lambert 😀
Then toss in the fact I have suffered from Manic Depression (newly discussed as BiPolar ) most of my adult life, now aint that the clusterfuck of life… who else has stood in line for the most terrifying ride at the biggest amusement park knowing its soo scary you are going to crap yourself and don’t want to do it.. Well that’s my brain 90% of the day… One second I could have enough pent up energy to send a rocket into space, but be too dam scared to leave the house… Or laying on the couch laughing and wanting to play with the kids but just can’t work up the physical strength to get off the couch.. One minute I am like a kid in a candy store happier than a pig in shit, and the next that extra 10 seconds of commercials on tv sends me into a angry rant…. And lets not even get started when people have to say me “What was that” because my speech was trying to keep up with how fast the thoughts where racing through my brain. I can assure you now looking back I am very thankful for whatever the reason my three attempts on my life failed, I have been down some REAL dark roads over the last 8-10 years… but for some reason there has always been a bright light bringing me back be it my loving wife or my kids.
But back to my first line, Through all this my family is still strong, I have been able with the support of them and our friends to keep on track, something that has not happened in a long time… But most of all, I think it hit hard Tuesday when liz came home with the kids, I was just getting back from the gym and we where chatting and the twins where asking about why I was at the gym.. and Abigail made a comment about how going to the gym is good and said something to the fact that “Daddy is going to the gym and doing really good”… She is 8 years old, and while it sounds silly maybe its time for another dose of my meds as the water works are in full effect here… but for my daughter to recognize what I am doing, even if she does not understand why.. and to sit in her room talking with her about her classes starting next week she is excited to “Get fast and strong like daddy”.. We do a lot for our kids, and while I love to post everything I do, show ever result I can find in my transformations, and love to tag that I am doing it for me.. lets face it we do it for our kids… the fact that Abigail and I ran part way home yesterday in race and she wanted to do it again this morning, and the fact that hell not only can I actually walk to school with them and not have to drive them 2 mins to school which just hinders their well-being and fitness levels, I am able to RUN.. it’s just well plucking at the heart strings!!
My journey is going to be a long one, and be it physical pain or emotional, I cannot imagine it any other way, It will be a life long journey with some pretty awesome people in my life and I know regardless of what obstacles get in my way… we will always find a way to overcome it.. some will be a piece of cake, some not so much… But what fun would life be if we were not challenged right!
Till then… I say once again THANK YOU.. everyone… Regardless of who you are, good… bad or the ugly, every encounter with everyone has made this journey what it is and has assisted me one way or another in getting here and will continue to push me forward!